when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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