help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
