We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
