i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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