I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
