I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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