how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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