i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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