I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
