dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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