tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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