how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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