He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
