I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
