its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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