you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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