But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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