i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
