I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
