I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
