Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
