I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
