No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
