Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
