i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
