don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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