we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
