What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
