He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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