he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
