i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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