She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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