so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
