They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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