I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
