There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
