Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
