cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
