i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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