There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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