Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
