so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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