8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
