So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
