i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
