Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
