I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
