my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
