you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
PANTIES FOUND
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