Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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