The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
