Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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