The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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