I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
