This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
