Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
