I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
