i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
